Oven Chip 'Japanese Style' Micro Hotel

Supermarkets have been coming under criticism recently for over-packaging their products. As this picture I took in Tesco a couple of weeks ago shows, this criticism is completely unfounded. I for one can remember when chips were crammed sometimes two hundred at a time into a single polythene bag. Chips would often receive horrendous 'grazing' injuries after rubbing up against each other while being transported on the long tortuous journey from the Supermarket to customers homes. In some cases southern fry coated chips would be left with gaping wounds where large swaths of the southern fry coating would shear off during transit. Conditions must have been intolerable.

The Start of the End of Western Civilisation

Someone, in China probably, has a job. Their job is to make miniature luxury beds for British people's pets. What must they think as they assemble these cat/dog beds. I'm guessing they are thinking something along these lines:

'I can't believe those stupid fuckers in Britain would buy a miniature luxury bed for their dog or cat - how come we are making shit for them instead of the other way around?'

Packaging Gone Wild

Are they having a laugh? Individual compartments for baby button mushrooms! What next, fur-lined, air conditioned micro chambers with tiny little seat belts so they don't fall out and bruise their delicate little bodies. For Fuck sake, STOP SPOILING VEG!

Flagstone Graffiti

This design looks like it was created by using a cleaning solution to etch the flags underneath. Or maybe it was made using fairy-up liquid as paint. Either it's looks ace. The best thing is, if the anti-graffiti police turn and catch you in the act, you can say 'I'm actually officer I'm cleaning the street - now fuck off Babylon!' You could leave the last bit off.

England Team Visit Brixton

I spotted the England Team in Woolworth's in Brixton yesterday. It was definitely Sol Campbell, but I think Stephen Gerrard might have been a stand-in look-e-likey.

Grime Busters are operating in your area!

I mean it's not as if the kids in South London have got enough to worry about already! What a waste of council money. We should be encouraging the creative expression of young people not oppressing 'dem youts'.

Redfearn Celebrates Another Great Victory

Can you remember when I won 'Who do you love' hug an inflatable competition earlier this year, crushing you all like flies? Well look I've done it again with the 'hold up something from the shop display' competition - unless you can beat it, which I doubt. In this case it's a giant Carhatt logo.

I've Been Ripped-off

I got some 'reduced to clear' oranges from Sainsbury's today. I think I might have been swizzed!

Cute aren't they - Americans that is

Although they look like they have had hash cakes for breaky instead of their normal bamboo leaves, these so-called bears are real pandas. After years of trying to get the lazy bastards to breed in captivity, apparently now they are sporogin' out the bairns like no one's business.

How did the Chinese manage that? They can barely be bothered to feed themselves, let alone any kids. After panda mums give birth, they look down at their new born, give a sigh, then let the kid slide off their bellies and onto the floor. Then they amble off for a nap leaving muggins here to hand rear the cub.


Luckily for the giant panda, their only predator is man. God that must be a hard job, finding a big black and white bear in a field of green bamboo - all you'd have to do is follow the sound of snoring. Why on earth would you hunt them anyway? Traditional Chinese animal derived 'medicines' imbued the patient with the qualities of the animal from which they were derived. Therefore if you eat tiger claws you get all cunning and agile, oxtail and you get strong, snake heads and you'd get sly etc. What 'special powers' would you get from panda powder - a cure for insomnia if your lucky. Lazy little sods.

Anyway I showed this photo my colleague Jeanean who is American and she said 'Oh gee, Polar bears'. 'Nuff said.

Who Do You Love Entry Disqualified

This entry, which apparently is a giant upside down inlatable purple cow was from Catto who initially claimed victory until I pointed out that she needed to hug it. If you don't hug it how do we know it's a 'giant' upside down inflatable purple cow. Soz, but them's the rules.