Check it out. I'm using the heat from my hand to heat up these cherry tomatoes to room temperature!

Inflatable Cycle Helmet

I was looking through the Argos Catalogue for a cycle helmet last night and I found this one hidden away in the hair care products section of all places. Just imagine you could get run over by a massive truck and you'd get up, and you'd be like 'didn't feel a thing!' Plus it's inflatable so when you got to the pub or wherever you could just deflate it and put it in your pocket. Obviously you'd want a fluorescent coloured one for extra visibility and safety.

PS Muddy Fox, or Ridgeback, or Sony, I had the idea first so fuck off right.

Fontastic!

I'd like a one bedroom studio flat... er on the moon, in the nineteen seventies please.

BMX Bandits

Check it out, I'm like, all over that Stockwell Skate Park. That's me in the middle and on the left and the right. I'm also being chased by the Police - in helicopters - who are just out of shot.

Parsley Burgers

Sort of like a British falafel, with avocado humus. Yeah I know what your thinking, avocado humus how tasty does that sound. Well imagine how tasty humus is, then imagine how tasty avocados are, well put them together and times by five.

The Needles

I looked down at my last piece of cheese cake and thought, coastal erosion.

Cheese Cake

So I had green spinach soup, followed by green spinach dip, then Stiggles turns up with a lime cheese cake. Which by the way was lush. That along with the release of Ray's new book, it's almost like mother nature is trying to tell us something.

That cheese cake there was so tasty, I bet if you licked the screen it would taste of lime.

Ray Mears / Beauty Myth

This is how smart Ray Mears is. He's made a insightful and compelling critique of Naomi Wolf's Beauty Myth on page 110 of his new book, just in passing! Ray Mears can also make a canoe from birch bark.

Ray Mears

Next time someone says what religion are you. I'm gonna say 'I don't believe in God, but I do believe in Ray Mears'. Lots of people say mockingly 'when are you going to utilise these survival techniques you've learned then?'. Two words: plane crash, jungle.

Pet Stroking Glove

That Robert Dyas is a fucking amazing shop. You can buy a special glove for stroking your cat or dog, a scrubbing brush disguised as a potato and a sieve that has been specially adapted for midgets. What can't you get at Robert Dyas?!

Green Lunch

Jeanean also made spinach soup, and fish cakes which I forgot I don't eat. This meant that I had a green lunch - crazy eh?

Intestines

Jeanean hollowed out a loaf of bread and stuffed it with a mixture of spinach, ranch dressing and water chestnuts, a bit like Ray Mears but with less intestines and in an office.

Two Smooth

That's how bad my hangover was. I had to have two Innocent smoothies. Actually one was a Boots own brand freshly squeezed orange juice. It had a label on it which said 'super-food' - so naturally I had to have it.

Gwyneth's Office

I wander if Gwyneth's office is a nice as mine. Sometimes it's like working in a beautiful sun dappled glade.

Vege Fry-up

It would be a vege fry-up in her case, and like me she'd also want a copy of the Guardian with a picture of birds on it.

Gwyneth Paltrow

If Gwyneth Paltrow, asked me what the best way to recover from horrendous hangover is, I'd say: fry-up and bottle of Coke.

I've Got a New Sony Ericsson K750i Camera Phone

My new camera phone isn't quite as good as my little Sony DSCU20, but my DSCU couldn't play MP3s, shoot video with sound, or call people, and it didn't have a torch on it! Here's what I've shot with it: